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The Power of Self-reliance
(Believing You are in Control of Your Life)

When we base our entire self-worth on that of being a half of a whole, we miss out on the greatest gift of all - our unique and beautiful selves.

In order to feel independence from the panicky, anxiety-filled feeling of need for other people, you must believe that you do have some control over your situation, and over your own behavior. Otherwise, you view yourself as helpless and believe you are at the mercy of another's power. The power of faith and trust in your own ability to handle a specific situation, is power over other's control over you.

You, and you alone, are responsible for your future and for what you feel.

"Self-discipline is when you tell yourself to do
something and you don't talk back."~W. K. Hope

Some people believe they are not at all in control of anything that happens to them. They may feel like they are merely in the passenger's seat of their life, while kismet, fate, luck, chance, or a Higher Power are in the driver's seat. These people may appear hopeless, scared, and paranoid. But, too, sometimes people feel the complete opposite and maybe they have learned the peace that comes with letting go, and are optimistic and hopeful, trusting that things happen as they will, and that this is for the best. However, this eliminates free will to take control over those things in our life that we can control. If I just sat back and waited for life to hand me a job I'd starve to death. Yes, it is beneficial to let go and let life lead you where it may, but it is totally against our well-being to think and believe that we have absolutely no control over anything. We need to plan and direct our own lives, and learn that we are in control over our emotions and feelings. However, we need to also understand that we are not in control of other's lives, emotions, beliefs, or feelings.

Why might a person believe they have control of another, when they haven't? This view provides them with hope, making the world seem a much less scary place. Our lives and future may appear to be more predictable and comfortable. Indeed, considerable evidence suggests that we are more effective, productive, responsible, and happier when we feel we that we are at least partially in control.

If we consider that we are under control of our thoughts, emotions, feelings, efforts, motivations, and decision-making, we become more resourceful, and self-reliant. If we believe others ruled our lives, we look for help from others. We haven't the confidence to control, or design our own lives. We passively accept everything that happens to us and have no desire to effectively place control over our needs, wants, emotions, feelings, or attitude. We feel dependent on other's to give us hope, happiness, will, reason, love, importance, and worth.

When things go wrong, which they often do, we can target others as the blame, freeing ourselves from responsibility. This gives us an excuse for doing 'nothing' because we see the problems as being beyond our control. We, naturally, soon learn to become pessimistic, self-pitying, bitter, and passive.

However, when we believe that we are in control of the situation it has a tremendously powerful impact on our behavior. We try harder. Our pain, frustration, hopelessness, helplessness, and fears aren't nearly as upsetting - as we believe we have a certain degree of control over our life. We learn to have hope, and we all need hope. Hope instills in us the optimism needed to try harder to change our environment and to change ourselves. We are less likely to blindly follow orders, and much more likely to realize we can make our own choices and decisions, relying on our own judgment.

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Self-reliance and independence are very freeing. We gain self-control skills, and inner peace. We become more comfortable with ourselves, instilling even more self-confidence. Still, we must learn what factors in our lives are controllable, and be comfortable in the acceptance and acknowledgement of those factors in our lives that are not controllable. We need to learn to let go of these factors and trust that we will be okay, no matter what. It is important to our well-being to understand that we can control our emotions; our feelings; our opinions; our desires; our environment; and, especially, our attitude towards conditions, factors, and situations that are outside of our control. Essentially, our attitude towards these situations do, indeed, give us a certain degree of control over them. You can control how you react, but you can't control other peoples' choices, motivations, desires, emotions, abilities, feelings, opinions, or environment.

Amazing as it sounds, you do have the ability to - not only help yourself - but to influence others, too. By having the ability to be self-reliant, make your own decisions, yet still have peaceful acceptance of other's rights to do and feel the way they do, too, you give them back their personal freedom and effectively cause them to feel safe to be around you. However, if you become overly compliant, discounting your own decision-making ability, and denying responsibility for your own happiness and wholeness, you make other's feel uncomfortable around you.

To become more self-reliant, and independent you must be able to perceive yourself as the determiner of your fate. You need to establish more responsibility for yourself, and rely less on other's to give your life reason and meaning.

Copyright © 2000 All rights reserved. Tigress Luv

Tigress Luv (The Breakup Guru) is a published author and webmistress. She currently has many books available online for immediate reading, including How to Get Over a Breakup, and excellent book for recovering from the pain of heartbreak, and How to STOP a Breakup, which shows you how to stop your breakup, save your relationship, and/or get your boyfriend/girlfriend back.

This article brought to you courtesy of: AboutYourBreakup.com “Your Relationship/Breakup Resource Pages”

For further information, visit her websites at http://aboutyourbreakup.com/ or http://hopecircle.com/

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