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The Leaves of Change
by Neil R. Davis
(Lifted from the Lifted Hearts Message Board)

It is a cloudy and more typically autumn-like day here in southeast Michigan. It rained last night and this morning, and rain in the fall usually means that the trees will soon be bare. For some reason, rain just washes the leaves off of the trees, and expedites the leaf-falling experience.

As the leaves fall to the ground, it symbolizes to me the truly transient and temporary nature of things. The same spring buds that turned into flowers and seeds that turned into leaves have now turned into something else--mulch.

All of the leaves on the ground will be bagged up (burning them here is not allowed), and the fallen leaves will be taken to various recycling centers and landscape company yards, and turned into compost for next years gardens.

And in next years gardens, this compost will be spread around all the new seedlings, to fertilize the new plants, and to protect the young little plants.

And from there the change will continue.

Each of us here is at some stage of change. None of us here is as we have been in the past. Likewise, none of us here today are in the form that we will be in the future. We will be different, that much is for certain.

And if that much is certain, what person do you want to be in the future?

Do you want to continue to be emotionally handcuffed by the thought and memory of the person who has left you? Do you want to continue to be a person who does not acknowledge the reality that the person that you love more than anyone else and cannot even think about living without has now left you?

Do you want to ignore the facts in front of your eyes and ears? That the change in your life has to be managed by you, instead of being foisted upon you by another?

Each of us has had their world ripped apart by another. Why? Because that is the way life is sometimes. We are human. It is that simple. We are human beings, just like the one who ripped us apart. As perhaps we have ripped apart others too along the way.

Why do we rip each other apart sometimes? Because we are all searching for happiness. It's that simple. Human beings tend to want to be happy, or try to be happy. And in the process of searching for happiness, we sometimes, unwittingly usually, hurt each other.

Isn't that ironic? We are all searching for happiness, and all trying to lessen or eliminate our own personal suffering, yet we end up hurting each other, and getting hurt too.

I think it is hilarious, and wickedly ironic. God really does have a sense of humor!

And since we are all changing all the time, perhaps we should consider changing the way we define happiness, and changing the way we go about attaining it.

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I have come to realize since being here that happiness (for me) is not founded by my relationship with another. I used to put all my eggs in her basket, or our basket. Then one day, all I had was my basket.

And that was a terrifying and lonely realization; that all I had was my basket.

And in time, I realized that all I needed to rebuild my life was already in my basket. True, it has not been easy, and true, I am not exactly where I want to be yet.

But I am changing things for the better. I am transforming my little world from the inside out. Who knows? One of these days, I will surely get it right.

Until then, I will have to just accept that sometimes, I will dream about her, as I did last night. It was another sad dream that only reinforced the fact to me that we were not the great match I had imagined us to be. And I realize that the dream should not make me too sad today.

A while ago, I dreamt about her and it screwed up my whole day. Thanks to my changing outlook, today it does not have that effect. And for that small change, I am grateful.

Yes, I still want to call her and see her. No, I will not do those things. I am still waiting for the change in these obsessions and compulsions to ebb. Luckily, I am patient. I know that they will fade away, given enough time.

So today, I will acknowledge that I am always changing. It has always been that way, and it will probably remain that way for a long time to come. And the more flexible I can make myself, the better off I will be in handling the changes in my life.

Be easy on yourself. Understand that you too are undergoing tremendous changes all the time. Cut yourself some slack, because you are only human, only seeking happiness. And happiness is not only something you should seek, it is something that all of us has a right to attain.

Peace to you on this wet, fall day. And try to acknowledge and embrace the changes that have happened, are happening, and will certainly happen soon.

NR

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